Ocean Tides.

         Okay so I just posted something not even an hour ago but idc. As I sit awake in this fine morning I come to the fact that maybe, just maybe I've pushed everyone that has mattered away from me. That I am slowly losing the only people that truly  matter to me, but I'm just too scared to do anything about it. And now I feel that its is too late.  I kind of always had this feeling that things would come to end like this, I just hoped they wouldn't. I hoped that we would stay friends forever or atleast far longer then this. I sit back and look at all the pictures and think of all the memories and all the friends that have came and gone and now it feels like eeverything is slowly fading into the darkness of time.

     Yes, everyone grows up and everyone moves on but can't I just for a little while hold on to the childhood that too quickly faded  into the teenage years?

     I feel like I am powerless to stop what is happenig with my friendship but at the same time too scared to act because i'm just too afarid of the answer I might get.  Too afriad to hear the truth. In my darkest day I knew that I always had you. That If I had any kinds of problem that I could turn to you. But when a problem arose and I came to you asking for help, you entended your hand. no problem but now everytime I try and talk to you I get no answer back. No call, no text, nothing. You were there when I needed the help, but now that I neded you to hear me, and listen, you have shut me out. If I ever knew that asking you for help would have caused all this, i wouldn't have asked in the first place. Don't get me wrong, I am very greatful for the help that you have given me,a nd I am not being ungreatful at all. I just feel that this whole mess cost me my friendship. I am sorry for asking and I am even more  sorry that I can't ask you. 

            
So I guess I'll just sit back and let the tides of this unstopable ocean whip away all thats not meant to be in my life...

Confused..

I feel very confused. I am about to be down with school if I can get the creits, and I love what I do most of the time, but lately I've been woundering if I made the right choice... I love doing people's hair and making them feel beautieful and happy, and I'm also really good at what I do. When I told everyone that I wanted to become a hairdresser, they all told me it was going to be hard. Its not that I can't or wont do the work, its just that they wont give me the work todo. And when I do get walk-in's there for nails or something else that I don't need and if I say "No" my teachers would send me home.
     Its just that lately in school I feel like I'm not getting any help from my teachers and YEAH I understand very well that I am now a repeater and I should be bring in my own clienst and all but its not really that easy for me. I feel like they just feed me to the wolves and all they care about is the money they get every month.
     I have watched the other girls pay there way out of school I am not able to do this, I have seen people fake haircuts just to get the creits. I am not that type of person to do that. I feel like this school is killing my spirt and I am afraid that I wont want to do what I onced loved when I get done with school. Everyday I go to school and almost everyday I come home crying because I can't deal with the stress and most days I sit in the back reading a book because I have nothing else better to do.
    Someone once told me that if you are happy doing something then you should fight for that something no matter what comes along and tries to stop you. But my question now is, is it worth all the tears and hours that I've put in if in the end I maybe unhappy with my choice?