Giving up Seems like a Pretty Good Idea Right Now.

Ive tried more than anyone knows to get things right, but I can't. Right now I'm working three jobs and don't get me wrong at all I like working. I like being able to walk into a store and buy just what I want. It makes me feel good to have that power. BUT with three jobs comes being tired, mean, unpleasant, and a bitch. My body hates me right now. My back hurts, my feet and my legs do too. On the pulse side I have started to loose weight, now I just don't know if its from all the work I do or from the pills I take to keep myself going. I get one day off a week if you can even call it that.
    So not only am i killing myself working all the time, but just yesterday my dog of 5 years passed away. On Thursday she gave birth to 8 beautiful puppies. I've cried over my dog more than any family member. She was the closet thing I had to a best friend. I wasn't hope when she passed. Found out this morning that her mother died the same way. WHAT THE FUCK!!! Did no one decided to tell us this???????

R.I.P COCO..

      Now I go to work all day to come home to puppies that need to be feed. I love these puppies but I swearer its getting much harder than easier..

THANK YOU!

  I read Post Secrets every week, in hope that next week wont be so bad and that things will get better, like I said " In hope". Reading other peoples secrets in a strange way help me feel better that someone else out there is feeling the same way I do, that I am not alone. That there is others out there like me. I may not know them, but when I need up lifting they were there,  and for that I thank them. All those people will never know JUST how much they have helped me. So again.. I say  THANK YOU!

Dear John.

     It is 3:03 AM and Dear John is playing on my TV, and I can not fall asleep. Most nights seem like this. I am up to all hours of the night and the only thing I have to keep me company is my TV. How lucky of me. 
    Now back to Dear John, while I watch/listen to this movie, memories rush back to me of watching this movie with my at the time " best friend". We weren't close, but close enough. We would get out of HS early like once a month to go to the movies and it was a blast! I loved it, really did. But than we graduated and now we don't even talk anymore. You see I would always make friends with well off to do people, who didn't have to worry about money or anything. I also have the habit of making friends with people that have a talent that I like/ want. I don't do this on purpose, I really don't it just happens.
   The summer after HS she would always invite me to hang out or go to the movies, I never had the money, or time. Now like I said before we don't even talk. Nothing. Nada. My friends would say that I have a problem of leaving and I guess I do. What this means is that I will hang put with you for a period of time and this I slowly back away. I don't mean to do this. I tell everyone up front and my close and good friends understand this. But I have over the years lost some pretty good friends. And now as I listen to Dear John, my heart hangs heavy, but no tears will flow. Memories of what I have lost sting me.
    But now I feel that I am facing a bigger problem. My best friend of 7 years is slowly pushing me away and I for one understand the whole break thing. But this.. This feels weird. Like she is replacing me and not only me but our other best friend. So now I have a dilemma on my hands. Slowly be pushed or fight back. Any reasonable person would say fight, but I can't. I don't want to hear that she no longer wants to be friends. That would just rip out my heart but at the same time I can't stand the thought of not knowing. Don't get me wrong I have tried asking, but she always replies with IDK. That's not even an answer! I am a person that believes that even if you don't understand why, you know. That behind every IDK is some knowledge of why.
    So tonight while I can't sleep I'll let this thought eat away at me. And maybe some day I'll get able to break past the IDK's and find a answer.  SO, if you ever do read this, maybe you should shoot me a text and explain. Why?

Alone at night By me

Its been a long time since I last wrote. I hope its not too bad.. 

Alone at night,
I wait for the morning light to shine.
To grace me with its warm light, its all knowing light.

Alone at night,
I sit and wait for the fright, to pass.
The days events play fast,
Causing me to crash.

Alone at night,
I wrap myself in a ball
And pray that my strenght wont fall.

Alone at night,
I lie away,
Wondering of I have what it takes,

Alone at night,
I stay awake,
Hoping I wont fall and break.

Alone at night,
I wish I knew,
... I just wish I knew...

Destroyed :

    Love : It can build you up, give you the strongest wings to fly with and in that same token it can destroy you and tare you down. The worst part about watching someone who loves another person is to watch them fall apart from the pain and hurt of love.

    Today my brother was put into boot camp, because of something stupid he did. I fully believe that he deserved what he got, I mean its way better than jail, but the thing that rips me apart is to watch my mother cry over his stupid mistakes. She tried to explain to me that its different when its your own child. That it hurts a million times worst to watch your child fall and not be able to help him up.

   I guess the only thing I really can do is stand by her side and help support her.

Single Drop.

I do not care to listen.

Because I have heard more than enough.

Your words hold no water,

Not a single drop.

 

They are weak and as meek,

As you see yourself to be.

No real power, or strength.

Not a single drop.

 

Slowly you are fading,

In to the background.

No amount of pulling can save you,

Not a single drop.

 

Strength comes from within,

Not for what is shown.

It only takes,

one single drop.

Lost. In . Translation

Maybe your not understanding me,
Or maybe its getting lost in translation.

I'm done trying to shout over you,
I'm done trying to be heard.

I have a message, TOO.

Maybe your not understanding me,
OR maybe its not being heard.

My voice will ring clear,
As the bell of the midnight sky.
Listen closely :

 

Understand every word I speak,

Because I am done be over shadowed.

I am too like you,

A person with feeling.
A person you can not walk through.

 

I am ME.

Listen, look, but do not speak.

It is my turn,

So please be meek.

Understand my Translation.