Dear John.

     It is 3:03 AM and Dear John is playing on my TV, and I can not fall asleep. Most nights seem like this. I am up to all hours of the night and the only thing I have to keep me company is my TV. How lucky of me. 
    Now back to Dear John, while I watch/listen to this movie, memories rush back to me of watching this movie with my at the time " best friend". We weren't close, but close enough. We would get out of HS early like once a month to go to the movies and it was a blast! I loved it, really did. But than we graduated and now we don't even talk anymore. You see I would always make friends with well off to do people, who didn't have to worry about money or anything. I also have the habit of making friends with people that have a talent that I like/ want. I don't do this on purpose, I really don't it just happens.
   The summer after HS she would always invite me to hang out or go to the movies, I never had the money, or time. Now like I said before we don't even talk. Nothing. Nada. My friends would say that I have a problem of leaving and I guess I do. What this means is that I will hang put with you for a period of time and this I slowly back away. I don't mean to do this. I tell everyone up front and my close and good friends understand this. But I have over the years lost some pretty good friends. And now as I listen to Dear John, my heart hangs heavy, but no tears will flow. Memories of what I have lost sting me.
    But now I feel that I am facing a bigger problem. My best friend of 7 years is slowly pushing me away and I for one understand the whole break thing. But this.. This feels weird. Like she is replacing me and not only me but our other best friend. So now I have a dilemma on my hands. Slowly be pushed or fight back. Any reasonable person would say fight, but I can't. I don't want to hear that she no longer wants to be friends. That would just rip out my heart but at the same time I can't stand the thought of not knowing. Don't get me wrong I have tried asking, but she always replies with IDK. That's not even an answer! I am a person that believes that even if you don't understand why, you know. That behind every IDK is some knowledge of why.
    So tonight while I can't sleep I'll let this thought eat away at me. And maybe some day I'll get able to break past the IDK's and find a answer.  SO, if you ever do read this, maybe you should shoot me a text and explain. Why?